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Jeremie is the best boy and no one will be better.
I can't remember
when I have another mind. But now.. I think it was good time, wonderful ,time of friendship and tenderness. And I don't want something more... Strange, very strange, I don't want.
Flirt with boys, which have no girl friends. I like it. I have no problems with them, no scandals and they have no power for me.
But what a stupid girl! I wanna call Alex and... what? I don't know. I'm not falling in love.I have nothing for him. But I will do it.
I must live without Jeremie's dreams...
It's not a way.. And I have no reason. Only habit - finding problems.
I will cry - "I hate each boy, I hate Alex!! Piss off!"  I know it...
And I don't want think abut one very important thing - may be I love Jeremie, in my soul, I will never remember about it.

I am clever!!!!

Yesss! I had two credits. (My session started)
One of them was very simple, I have no problems.
But today... I was very quiet and carefree, I didn't worry. I was not sure in my knowledges (by the way I don't know it good). Simply it's my habit - don't arrange hysterics.
My teacher, I think, she dead after my answers:)
It was a circus, hardly turning around drama.Because appeared I know themes very bad:)
But I was lucky. It's my day! My teached said - well, done. You have this credit. Because I don't want see you again:):)
mm, and hear my fantastic answers as I understand! But what can I do if her computer, her questions and this subject don't like me?)))
I will have math on Thursday...Oh, it will be time of my talent:) My idiotic answers - that's all))) I hope, my teacher know about it and will be kind)))
Yes, I am fool what's else?)))


I wanna say FUCK OFF to:
- my classmates
- my teachers
- my sister
- her friends
- telephone
- SPAM letters
- silly weather
- session
- University
- everyone who make me nervous
- transport
- TV


I am so strange in my nature:) Because it's difficult, I think, to be pleasant and lovely for me. (hm, if I love it's the greatest feeling and if I hate too!) And sometimes I can't understand myself - I can be nice but I will cry and hate you tomorrow. I don't want be egoistic and nervous but I can't change something because I tired. I love people, I wanna be kind and helpful, I wanna be like an angel. But I know I will be the same not now...I don't know when. And I am afraid I will never be the same.
Because I can't break my character. It can sleep, but will be main in the moment.


I forget about this fucking session, exams, 9 exams. I will have them in December and in January. I hate them and all people who decide to it for students. It will be wonderful if you study without exams and session! But no, I will learn everything what I lose from September... I can't know everything.
Well.. All my friends are nervous with it - " we are study so much!! I bought all books for exams!" Stupid, hooked people... Back off, my darling!!
I have no interest, no reason for such boring life!
Bullshit.. all this exams.
Ugly, lousy cats! (it seems so) There bright, fanatic eyes....I am afraid to be life they are. Lumpy people, they have no more, only University and exams!
But I smile, I can say "oh, it's so important!" But it's guff!! And I go ape over it. I must rack my brain... for what? I must forget all my little loving for boring things! No, I don't want. I will do it on exams, not now.
I am pissed off...
I am not a sorehead! But they speak about it every day! I am not afraid that I will fuck up my exams... I will be the best, better than all this fuckers.

New idea. Thanks to rock ballads

I am listening Best of Rock, Country hits... I told how is music important for me, for my mood and feeling.
And now.. I am dreaming! I wanna be in America (why there?), I wanna have wonderful, cool car and..road, there is one one, only me, my car, music and speed. Road, road.."road to hell"?:)
And when I dreamed I can't see all boring things which I have, all people that I don't love.
Another life and another place - I dreamed all my life about it. And I promise, I change my life. I can't do it now... But I will do it.

Dairy,diary, diary...

I am very emotional person and I discuss my feelings, my ideas in different journals. One of them is this on LJ. I like it most of all, you see, I have many enters there and wonderful friends who are understandable, helpful but not boring and "clever" (like "I know everything, I know what you MUST do")
Another my journal is not English, I use them for a long time, year or more. I have 250 friends there, it's big company for those location an system, I am very popular there. But yesterday I decided close successful diary.
I have many reasons for it.
First. I hate lie, I am nervous when I see comments "you'r the cleverest!" "you'r the most beautiful I ever seen", "everything you do is right" - I AM NOT AN ANGEL!!!! I am not right in many situations, I am egoistic..
But I am not an evil either. I am not so aggressive like someone could see. I am only girl. But they can't understand. They thought- if you'r a pretty woman - cry and be stupid, you must have interest only for make up, boy-friends and parties. If you have interest for books, interesting films, politic, work, creative music and have your one opinion - 1. you are not a girl, you are clever and cool man. 2. you are very strange and not pretty at all.
They can't understand my character, me, my feelings. They can't believe, I have this ideas in my age.
But I don't want change for them.
And thanks for everyone there who see my nature and understand it, who gives me advices but don't say "you must!"
Your help and your friendship - it's so important for me.


Every one who knows me will said - she is very tender and affectionate, but not hysterics and not sensible person. It means I hate crying day to day..without serious acts.
I forgive other for a weakness but can't do it on my one.
If I cry, I cry alone. I hate stupid words of pity. I feel myself like a pet,  like a toy, funny (and full)  child. Take away this words if you can't help me. I prefer to do something. Not cry and  complain on life and unfair fate.
I have no forces yesterday evening (or night - it will be better to say). I cried, yelled, I wanted to break up anything, and it was yet better to beat anybody. I could not manage with myself.
I don't know why it was. I have a fatigue and hate everything around me, it made me nervous.
Now I am good, my mood the same - not bad. And I don't have shame for the conduct.

My lovely theme

I reread "Gone with the wind"(it's my good tradition. I do it when I need an advice).  Fantastic,  truthful  book. I adore, I love it!
 I find very clever and good ideas there. Someone can say it's very sweet and stupid book for  crazy girls. I disagree, it's natural. (I don't tell it's interesting!)
I know, I am like a Scarlett in some life situations, I understand her character because I have the same. Some acts.. I often was in similar situation (some of them of course).
I am not clever woman...I am like a Scarlett at the beginning of the book. This romantic and  nice loved girl.  This is my happiness and my hoodoo. No, I am not an experimental and knowing woman. I  romantic and spoiled girl. I like it...
Why try to find my way. I pissed off all boys who are not good for me. It does not mean that boys do not love me and not interested in me. Some of them has real feeling to me, I see but..they life a toys, like slaves. They will do everything what I want. I hate this persons. They don't respect each other.
Jeremie. Oh, I loved. I was falling in love! But I made a mistake. He is not my man. I dreamed for a long time how happy we will be together. I lose  it. I  know - it's only dream.  I don't cry  for him. Never. 
I have some life ideas. Don't cry that it passed, smile that it was! And if you don't know what to do - go to sleep, cry but don't decide something. Tomorrow will be morning and fresh ideas. God loves us. And all of our difficulties are natural and appropriate.
Why I tell about love so much..? I have difficult times now, in University...for example.. But when I will be free and will have forces  - I write new and  more interesting ideas. I don't wanna forget all bright, light and kind things.
it is important not to exchange the real happiness on pleasant but foolish little things... I can't have it now. But I don't forget - I will have a chance.
"She is egoistic and dirty, she's impudent" - said people around me. But my heart not a stone.  Practically, I don't want  show it.  My heard open for you, my friends and  for all not envious and tender people.